sexta-feira, 6 de setembro de 2013

Capitulo 19 - ''...and hid beyond the edge of night''



- Good Morning. - I said, while he was squeezing my body against his.
- No!
-Not a good morning?
-Of Course not...
-Oh baby, my flight is in three hours. Let's not spend it with sadness.
- Deal.  I'll make you breakfast.
-Ok, let me take a shower first.
- What about:  You stay here, i'll make breakfast, and then we'll take a shower?
- Sounds fine, but i can't be late, Shann. Also because i wanted to say goodbye to Annie and Jared.
- Ok, we have time for that.
- Then get up and go!
- Ok Ok!!! - he got up and i waited about to 10 minutes until he comes back.
- Oooh, that looks good!
- I look good, right? I always look like this in the morning. - He joked and i had to laugh, of course.
- I was talking about the food, Shannon Leto.
- No you weren't. But who cares, anyway? I made you the best breakfast you'll ever have.
-Good, because i'm starving.
-Tchanaaam. - he just brought some toast and orange juice. - Sorry, you don't have a lot.
- Sorry! I always go to Walmart on mondays, but i wouldn't need it after today, so...
- We'll eat something outside, then.
- What about waffles?
- Again?
- I dont know! I just feel so addicted. I really feel like eating some waffles... with chocolate.
- Well, i only have toast for you now. Oh and a really awesome shower that you will enjoy very much.
- This is my house, so i think i know my shower very well, honey.
- Well, every shower with me in it are different, so...
- I already know that too ahah you're awesome.
- I know.
- I miss you. - His joke face turned into a sad face.
- Shut up or i'll kidnap you.
- I just feel like eating waffles and making love to you all day long... and not leaving you here.
- That sounds interesting... - he got closer, really closer to my mouth - Do you want to make love to me right now?
- That's so weird.
- What's weird?
- You have never asked me that in all these years.
- I just want to make this moment like our first one. I don't want this to be the end of us, but only the beggining.
- This won't be our end. We're stronger than that. I'm stronger than that, and i hope you're too.
- You were the only person in this world that made me questioning myself about my career, you know? I wanted to let it all go just to be with you.
- Never do that, please Shannon. I've seen this dream of yours come true through all these years, and being the reason for you to destroy it, would make me die inside. If you love me, you wouldn't want that.
- You are my dream now, Rita. I just want you. Everyday, every hour, every minute, every second.
- Are you serious? I never wanted you to think like that. That's your job, your dream, your life, your family. Promise you will never let it go. NEVER!
- I'm so addicted to you. Just like you're addicted to waffles! - we laughed.
- Promise me, Shannon.
- I promise you. But you talk like you won't love me anymore. Don't you want me everyday with you?
- I love you. I love you very much. More than anything in my life, seriously, you know that. But we'll have time for that baby. We'll have time to settle down, marry, maybe have babies, i dont know.
- I love you. - He said, looking at my eyes, almost crying.
- I know, baby. - I kissed him like it was the last time and he hugged me the same way. By feeling his touch i could say that he felt like he was losing me. And i felt it too. We ended laying on bed again. My head was lying on his chest and he was touching my hair and back gently.
- I'll miss everything about you, you know? The way you look at me when i arrive; the way you kiss me; the way you piss me off everyday. - He was trying not to cry. I could hear it in his voice - I just feel this black hole inside of me, you know? Knowing that i won't see you everyday just makes me sick.
- Shann... - He was making me cry too.
- ... The way you say ''Shann'' when you're sad; the way Jared looks at me when i'm with you because he knows that it is the only way for me to be happy. - I got and faced him. As soon as he saw my eyes full of tears, he started crying, sobbing, and it made me cry even harder.
- Please stop. - I grabbed his face and kissed him, but he wouldn't stop. Although, he was looking me in the eye and i could see the tears falling madly.
- Look at those eyes. How can i wake up everyday with them looking at me?
- Do you want to know what i'll miss about you? - he didn't answer, only looked at me with doubt. - I'll miss... i'll miss the peace you always give to my life, i'll miss your mouth. I'll miss the ''i love you's'', i'll miss the sex. - I had to make a joke. We laughed vaguely. I'll miss your eyes, your hands touching me, your voice in my ear every morning, the noise you make when your washing the dishes, - and we laughed again - i'll miss when you stay mad at me because i like to hang out with Bam. And i'll miss this. I'll miss this words. I'll miss this moment. Baby, we had so many issues so far. So many issues. We fought so much so we could be together. This can't let us down.
- I won't let this end today, do you hear me? I don't care if i'll have to go to Hawaii every week. I dont care. I'll will fight for you everyday in my life.
- I hope you do... I'll be waiting.
- I...
- I know you do. Me too. - he just started crying again. This would be one of the hardest things i had to do in my life. - Baby, come on. You're breaking my heart.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, baby. - he hugged me with all his strength. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry - i cleaned his tears and he took a deep breath. - I dont know what's up with me. I'ts just... missing.
- I know. We need to clear up our heads. Do you still want to take that shower?
- Of course. Let's go baby.


After we were really ready, was time to the real goodbyes. Shannon was driving me to the airport and i was trying to call my friends, but no one would answer.

- Damn it!!! Come on!! Please! Answer the damn phone!
- Calm down, baby. - He tried to calm me down, but i think that was impossible,
-How can i calm down, Shannon? She's my best friend! How come she didn't remember i was leaving today?
- We still have time for that. Maybe she's not with her phone around.
- yeah, maybe.
- Don't be sad. - he kissed me - Everything will be ok.
- I know.

We arrived at the airport and for my surprise, everyone i loved was there to wish me good luck.

- I know you love surprises. - He said in my ear.
- Oh my god, you didn't.
- I did. You're the love of my life.
- I... i don't know what to say.
- Your eyes say everything, Rita. And you better go hug Annie, or she will drown in her tears. - I look back and there was Annie with Jared, Tomo, Vicky, Tixa, Mariza, Jason and Ryan. The first thing i wanted to do was hug my bestfriend.
- I'm gonna miss you so much!!! - I hugged her so tight that i think i took her breath away.
- Eu não acredito que te vais embora por tanto tempo, Rita!
- Eu volto num instantinho! Eu prometo! - She was crying so much, just like me. - Não chores, Annie. Sabes que me podes ligar sempre que quiseres. Aliás, todos me podem ligar sempre que puderem.



I hugged Jared as well. He wasn't crying, but i could see in his eyes that he was sad.

-Take care of her. And take care of Shannon, ok? Promise me.
- I will.
- I love you.
- I love you too, little sister.
- I'm gonna miss you.

I said goodbye to everyone. It was hard. They were my life. I didnt even know how it was possible to go without them. Finally, Shannon went with me to the boarding gate where i had to go.

- So... this is it. - I said.
- Promise me you'll be happy?
- Only if you do the same.
- Not without you.
- Then you know i can't promise you that. - They warned me that i had to entered the plane one last time. - I have to go. - I was crying so much, that i dont thing the words came out of my mouth.
- No... - He was starting to cry too - Please.
- Shannon please, don't cry.
- I love you so much..
- I know, i love you too. I love you, i love you. - We had our kiss goodbye and i step back, ready to catch that damn airplane, but we could let our hands go.
- I promise. - I finally had to let go.
- I promise. - He answered.

It was a long travel, but when i arrived, there was no place better than Honolulu. It was so beautiful i couldn't even stop staring at everything.

But then i saw Alex waiting for me outside.

- Hi! How are you? Did you have a good flight, honey?
- Hello Alex. Im fine. Yeah, but i am so tired.
- No problem, I'll leave you at the hotel and we talk better tomorrow, deal?
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

I tried to enjoy it. It was my dream. At least i thought it was my dream before that day, because in the end, we realize that our dreams aren't possible if we don't have what's more important in life. Love.