Capitulo 25 - Into the wild

December 31st. 2012

I woke up hearing Shannon coughing and cleaning his nose in the bathroom, so I got up and went to meet him.

-  Good morning, sweetie. Are you ok? - He washing his face with cold water.
- I don't think I am, baby. - I grabbed a towel and wiped the water from his face. 
- Jesus, you're burning up... let's go to bed, I'll take care of you.
- It's nothing. I just need to take a shower and I'll be fine. We have to go to my mom's house...
- It's 5am, baby. We have time. Let's just get you better first. 
- Is it? 
- Yes, it’s super early. Come on. - We came back to bed.
- It's better if I sleep on the couch. I don't want you to get sick too.
- Oh shut up, Shannon. Just lay down. I'll make you some tea and toasts so you can take the flu drug - I kissed his hot forehead and covered him with the blankets so he could be confortable.

It was hard to make him eat. He was acting like a child, but after a while, he had already taken the drug and we were about to sleep again for a couple more hours.

- Feeling better? - I asked, hugging him.
- A little. Seriously babe, it’s better if you back off. You're going to be sick too.
- I don't care. Just try to sleep. 
- Thank you... - His hand was softly touching my hair.
- What for?
- Taking care of me. 
- Oh no problem, dude. I always wanted to be a pediatrician. - I joked and he tried to laugh but he chokes and started to cough again. - Oh god, I'm sorryyyy! - He just smiled and closed his eyes. We fell asleep right away.

We woke up a couple hours later. He was feeling a little better.

- Do you want me to make you some more tea?
- Oh please, no. I'm sick of Tea.
- It'll make you feel better.
- I'm ok now. I just need some coffee.
- Yeah right.
- Yeah right!
- I'll choose something warm for you to wear... - and I went to his closed and started picking.
- I think I'm old enough to pick my own clothing, Rita!
- Hey grumpy, just trying to help you feeling better. - We were shouting to each other because I was in the closet and he was taking a shower. 
- I am no child, Rita! - I went to meet him.
- Why are you so angry about? - He put the curtains away and didn't answer. Just stood looking at me... - So?  
- I'm not fucking angry. - I looked back at him, questioning myself what was happening. 
- Whatever... Just fucking hurry up. - And I closed the door. He took a deep breath.
- Hey come on! Baby come back here. - But I didn't. I was starving so I grabbed a box of cookies and sat on the couch watching TV.
-Just fucking hurry up, dude! You're not a freaking princess! - A couple of minutes later he got out with only a towel around his waist.
- Are you with your period or something?
- Are you fucking kidding me? - I shouted looking at him. 
- Come on, do you need to talk like that?
- Excuse me? 
- Do you need to talk like that?
- Is this a joke? 
- Rita... what...
- Shannon, go dress yourself. You're going to be sicker and we're going to be late. - He went back to his closed.
- Hey, do you know where my new socks are?
- Do you need my help now? You're not a freaking child, remember? Try to figure that out alone. 
- Jesus Christ... 
- Second drawer on the left... - I gave up seconds later.
- Thank you! GOD
-... not welcome. - whispered.
- I heard that... - he said, kissing my cheek.
- Jesus! - He scared me. - Well, good for you!

10 minutes later, we were ready to go. 

We didn't say a word throughout the small trip to Connie's house. He tried to sing some songs that were playing in the radio, but exaggeratingly bad, trying to make me laugh.

 
- Don't make me laugh, stupid.
- Who's grumpy now? 
- What's up with you today?
- Didn't sleep well.
- Me neither... that's not an excuse to be rude. 
- I know, I over-reacted. I'm sorry. 
- Me too, Sorry. 
- Are we good now?

- You still pissed me off. 
- Oh come on. - He pulled over when we arrived. 
- Let's just go. - We got in and Connie and Jared had to go out to buy something she forgot. - I can go there, its ok... - I volunteered.
- No, honey. It’s ok. Make yourself at home. - And there they were. It was just the four of us so I had to be there alone with him. Well, fuck it. I'll make him pay. He was sitting on the middle couch which had tons of space for both of us, but I sat on the small one.
- Not going to join me here? - He asked.
- No, I'm ok here, thank you. - I was wearing this small dress, so I crossed my legs, provoking him.
- You look good... 
- Thank you. - Not taking my eyes off the TV, I crossed my legs again the other way. 
- You are doing it on purpose, aren't ya, you sexy motherfucker? 
- Don't know what you're talking about and don't call me a motherfucker. - This time i took my jacket off and uncrossed my legs, leaving them slightly open.
- Sure ya don't wanna join me here? 
- Nope.
- Please...
- Nope...
- Come on, look at me... - and I did - Please?
- Nope. - And I looked back to the TV.
- Come on, I wanna talk to you about this morning. 
- I can hear you from here...
- Come on, it’s serious! Sit here on my lap. I need to tell you something. It’s very serious, come here. 
- How can I know you're not joking? - Finally looked at him.
- Do I look like I'm joking? - He was pretty serious.
- No.
- So come here... - I gave up and got up. - Sit here. - I spread my legs and sat on his lap, facing him. He pushed me closer.
- Oh come on, Shannon. Are you for real? We're in your mother’s house and I'm mad at you. - Turns out he just wanted me to feel his boner.
- It’s gonna be quick. Let's make the love. - He was joking. 
- You're freaking hallucinating. Your mom must be arriving! AND IM MAD AT YOU! 
- They're not arriving. They just left! - I was about to get up but he put his hand inside my panties because he knows that drives me crazy.
- God, I hate you so much. - I closed my eyes feeling it. He was kissing my breasts and touching them without taking my dress off. Then, he unzipped his jeans and pushed my panties to the side and did it.~

- Of course you do... - I started riding him a little faster. - Gosh, I love make up sex!  
- Just shut the fuck up.
- Ahahah you still mad! Please feel welcome to be angry with my dick anytime. 
- Shannon!! - After that he shut up and we kept going until the end. Right after we came, we hear the keys in the door. I sat beside him quickly, putting myself together, and he zipped the jeans again. We were looking at the TV trying to seem as normal as possible. 
- Hey! - Connie said, coming in.
- Hey we're back! - Jared said after her. Walking towards the kitchen.
- Hi guys! - We said at the same time. 
- Are you guys ok?  You two look pretty weird.
- What? We're totally fine. - Shannon said.
- Yeah. - I agreed. - Do you guys need help?
- Its ok, sweetheart. Don't worry!  - Connie shouted from the kitchen.

At lunch time everything went pretty well. We were discussing what we were going to do later. It was fun until I receive this text message from Shannon. My iPhone was beside me, so I opened the text while drinking my orange juice. Well, worst mistake ever, since I spread it all over the table, coughing. 

- Rita, are you ok? - The Leto's mother was trying to help me knocking at my back.
- Yes I'm ok, mom.  Thank you. - I put myself together and looked at Shannon, who was laughing at me saying sorry.
- What's so funny? - Jared asked.
- Your brother is a jerk. - "I loooooved the way you fucked me there. Gotta argue more often babe" was not the kind of messages you should send while you're having lunch with your family. 
- I kind of knew that already ahahah.
- So what are you guys doing tonight? - Asked the Leto mother.
- Nothing special. Going to be with some friends. - Jared answered.
- I think we're going to dinner and... I don't know what's happening next... right? - I said, looking at Shannon.
- Yeah, who knows...
- Oh come on! It’s New Year’s Eve! You should go to some party or something... - She said.
- Mom, we are too old for parties... 
- Jared, I'm almost 60 and I would totally go to a party...
- So why don't you?
- Who says I'm not? We're never too old for party’s ahah
- We'll see what we should do later. I hope you enjoy your night anyway - I told her, peacefully.
- I will. Hope you do too, honey. Don't let these old guys stop you.
- Ahahah...no. - Joked Shannon.

7p.m at home.

 I was taking a nap and Shannon woke me up. He was all fancy dressed, didn't know why.

- What's up? Why are you dressed like that? You look hot. - I was still half asleep but he surely looked damn good. 
- Ahah get up, babe. Dress something fancy too.
- Where are we going? 
- Its surprise... let's go, let's go... 
- Oh come on... Tell meeee!
- Rita, do you trust me?
- Let me think...hmm... No. - I joked.
- Oh shut up, don't spoil this thing. Come on, let's go! - He got up and gave me his hand to help me get up. But instead I pushed him and he fell on the bed.
- I won't let you go unless you tell meeeee! - I wrapped him in my arms, not letting go.
- Oh son of a... Are you serious? - I wrapped him closer me. - Ok, you're serious... Rita, let's do it like this: You stay here and I pick something for you to wear, ok?
-  Nope! - I didn't let go.
- Ok, you asked for it... - So he started tickling me, which is the worst thing.

- OH MY GOD, NO! STOOOOP! - I finally had to let go and he ran to the closet and started to choose. - Remember that wherever we go, I can't go naked.
- I would like that, though...
- Pff, yeah I know you would. - Moments later he put some dress on the edge of the bed and pick my black shiny heels.
- What do you think? - I got up and joined him.
- Oh of course you would choose the dress you gave me. Love it, though. - Kissed him on the cheek 
- Hurry up, pleeeease!
- But why?
- Rita, please... - he begged.
- Ok, but wait outside then... - I smiled.
- Why?
- Let's do this, I'll dress up, then I'll open the door and you'll be like 'you look beautiful, baby, we need to have some hardcore sex' - I try to copy his low voice - and then I'll cross my arms and be like Dean saying "Don't objectify me" and you'll be like "Oooh I need to take that off of you" and... 

- Are you done? - He laughed.
- Ok, sorry. - He closed the door before him and I started getting ready.

The dress was beautiful so it sure will look good on me. After doing the hair and make up, I was ready. So I opened the door and he was waiting for me. When he looked at me, he just stood there, with his eyes and smile shining. 
- So? - I asked
- You look beautiful, baby... - he was walking towards me - We reeeeally need to have some hardcore sex. - He laughed and I crossed my arms.
- Don't objec... - But he stopped me. 
- Oh shut up! - So he grabbed me and kissed me. - You are so stunning.

- The dress is great!
- I knew you would look hot on that.
- Thank you, Mr. Penguin. - I joked, making fun of his beautiful suit. He looked so hot I just wanted to take his tie off and, you know...
- Ok, so now, we'll go somewhere, but it’s a surprise so I'll have to put in on you... - and he covered my eyes.
- But where are we going? I was hoping we could spend the night alone.
- Just shut up, would ya? Jesus! -  He grabbed my hand and we waked outside. He gave me one of his bike helmets so we were going to ride his bike. He helped me sit and he sat in front of me. As usual I placed my hands on his waist, but this time I placed my hand a little lower and kept squeezing it as drove us somewhere. He kept slapping my hand telling me to stop but it didn't and I kept teasing him. 

Minutes later, he stopped the bike and we got in some house, or restaurant, or whatever... I couldn’t tell but it smelled like candles and there was some music on, really low. Without taking the thing covering my eyes, we got out again...

- Where are we? 
- Wait, let me take this out of you. - Finally I could see again, but...
- We're home? -  Turns out, we were outside by the pool. But there were roses everywhere and a dinner table next to the pool. -  Why were we riding the bike if we were already here?
- Suspense ahahah you wanted a night just for us, here we are...
- Did you do all this? - I asked while we were walking to the table.
- Obviously I had some help with the cooking... Do you like it?
- Of course, let's go...

We sat and we ate and we drank. Everything was super amazing... Sky - his dog - kept barking and trying to steal our food and play. It was fun too.

- I still don't get why we dressed like this... - I said, grabbing my glass of wine. 
- New year is your favorite celebration so why shouldn't we dress up like this? 
- Yeah, that's true. - He grinned, looking at me - What's so funny? 
- Do you even know how good you look? You're so beautiful it’s ridiculous. 
- Don't say stuff like that, you motherfucker. - I laughed - I never know what to say... 
- I love when you talk dirty... - He joked. I got up and grabbed his hand for him to get up. - What?
- Let's dance... - I heard the first chords from "All of me" by John Legend. We went inside because was getting cold and we could hear the song better from there. He grabbed me by the waist, pulling me closer and I placed my arms around his neck and we started dancing to the song. - This song is so beautiful... 
- "Cause all of me loves all of you, loves your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections, cause I give you aaaaall of me, and you give me aaaall of youu..." - He kept whispering while we slow danced. 

- You know what time is it?
- Half past eleven, I guess... It’s almost time.
- Yeah... - I grabbed his tie and pushed him towards the bedroom as he bit his lip, knowing what was going to happen. 
- Sure you don't wanna go outside and watch fireworks? - He asked when we fell on the bed, standing on top of me. 
- There's no better way to begin the New Year but here with you... - Saying this, I kissed his lips caressing his face while he undid the tie. I started to unbutton his shirt and his hands were already in my legs pulling the dress up. It had the zipper on the back so I got up and sat turning my back to him, so he could unzip it. Slowly, he started to drag the zipper down and showing my shoulders where he was leaving warm open mouth kisses. Facilitating his job, I took the dress off standing only with my thighs and panties. After I face him, I grabbed his tie, pulling him closer and kissed his mouth. I also took his shirt off but not his tie. He was completely ready to have me and I could see it in his pants. He was touching it times to times because he was feeling uncomfortable with that being stuck so I unzipped his pants and released it. I was about to stroke him but he didn't let me. He just forced me to lie on the bed and close my eyes.

- What are you doing? - I opened my eyes.
- I told you to shut your eyes didn't I? - So he puts this thing covering my eyes again and got up. Suddenly, I felt his hands on my waist and I shiver feeling his touch. The music stopped and we could only hear his strong breath. After he took my thighs and panties off, he opened my legs and massages the inside of them teasing me. Finally, he dragged his hand to my core and touched it, leaving me breathless by how fast he was stroking it. 
- Oh my god, stop baby. Stop stop stop oh gooood! - I was already done but he didn't want to stop.
- I'm in charge now... - and hearing him whispering this in my year just made me cum. I took my time while he laughed roughly at me - I just love that.
- No, you're not. - Quickly and without resting, I turned ourselves around and stood on top. 
- You think you're so strong huh... - I was stroking my body against his, teasing him even more.

- I am... - and to prove I was strong, he grabbed me and turned us around again, standing on top and keeping my hands over my head. 
- I said I'm in charge now... and you're being a very bad girl! - He was teasing me so much. I wanted to go further so I kissed him and wrapped my legs around his waist pushing his hips against mine. -  ... A very... very... bad... girl... - he kept whispering between kisses. 
- It's almost midnight... - I said, looking at the alarm clock beside the bed. 
- Yeah, I think we should go watch the fireworks. It’s such a beautiful night outside. Don't you think?
- Baby?
- What? 
- Fuck...me...now! - He laughed at me again noticing how desperate I was and without saying a word, he shoved himself inside me and stood quiet for a second letting my body get used to it while we released some moans. Slowly, we started moving ourselves and the moans were getting louder. I especially loved to be on top but there was something special about this position. He kept his hands on the mattress, keeping himself on top and not crushing me while he was thrusting. Now, a little faster, and it turned me on even more seeing that. His sex face feeling the pleasure and his muscles struggling within his skin, and the sweat coming out of his body and his breath and his voice saying "oh god, baby. That's right" while my hips were moving against his too... I looked at my left to the mirror of his closet and his body looked great... his thighs and his butt... god damn! 
- Baby, I'm almost there - I could feel it, and I was too. We increased the velocity and suddenly we hear our neighbors screaming "10...9...8...7..." and our movements were getting faster and stronger and I came again. Feeling all my body and insides twitching and shivering made him cum too, which was the sexiest thing ever. After all these years I never got tired of seeing him like this: tired, sweaty, pleasured, satisfied, hot, breathless, groaning. Holy shit, for some reason he is called Shannimal. I bet it isn't only because of his drumming. Anyway, we ended right before midnight but he was still inside me. "...6...5...4"... we were looking at each other’s eyes and we didn't need to say a word because it says everything..." 3...2...1... HAPPY NEW YEAAAAR!" I kissed him slowly, enjoying the moment, celebrating. 
- Happy new year, Shann...
- Happy New Year, baby girl. - He kissed me once again and lied down next to me. I rest my head on his chest and kissed it. - Hey, do you feel like walking?

30 minutes later, we took Sky with us and went the HOLLYWOOD sign, in the middle of nowhere. I was resting next to 'W' and he hugged me from behind and kissed my neck.

- This is so beautiful... I've always wanted to come here. - I hugged his arms keeping him closer.
- I love you. - He whispered resting his chin on my left shoulder.
- I love you. - I looked at him and kissed his lips. 
- I promise i'll make all of your dreams come true this year, ok?  
- Okay. - Kissed him again - Life doesn't get much better that this, does it?

---------------------- 

December 31st 2013

I woke up this morning and everyone was freaking about New Year’s Eve. I wasn't, but I put a smile of my face and faced the day. After dinner and having fun with everyone around me I decided to go and take a walk.

- I'll be right back, don't worry.
- But it’s almost midnight... - Alex said trying to keep me there.
- I’ll be back soon and before midnight don't worry. You know how I am. I need some time to myself. 
- Why are you so hippie sometimes? - He joked.
- Oh shut up! - I kissed him quickly on the lips and walked out the door to the beach.

I sat on the sand for half an hour or maybe more and was ready to spend the last hours of 2013 alone.

- Hey... - Am I dreaming? 
- Sh...? What...  what are you doing here? - What the heck was he doing there? 
- Can I sit here? - He asked, sitting next to me. 
- What are you doing here?
- Its new year’s eve...
- I know... but what are you doing here with me?
- I couldn’t stand being alone.
- You weren't alone. - "You have your family...” I thought.
- I didn’t have you... - he looked at me and I looked away.
- If that's the reason you came, then you should get going. 
- Is this it? 
- What do you mean?
- Us. This ends here?
- Shannon it ended a couple of months ago, you have to let me go.
- I don't wanna let you go, Rita.
- You have to...
- Did you let me go? 
- I'm with Alex now... 
- I said 'Did you let me go?'
- I... - Jesus Christ!
- Say it! - He was getting angry.
- I did! - I finally said it, looking at him. 
- You're lying... 
- I'm not. 
- I can see you are.
-  Shannon, what do you want from me? Why did you come here? For me to tell you things you wanna hear, or to tell you the truth? - I got up, yelling.
- I want you to tell me the truth which I know you're not! 
- Do you want the truth? I'll give you the truth. And the god damn truth is that I came here following a dream, which is something you've always told me to do, and I was freaking lost on the first day, but I knew no matter where we were, we were always together, we always had each other, right? - I felt my heart beating really fast and tears growing in my eyes. - Turns out that weren’t true because your attitude changed from day to night. Just like that. You wanted to move on, all that shit about being time to do or die... A week later you were having sex with some teenagers! 
- You had this. You were having fun...
- I was alone, Shannon! And damn, I still am! You didn't trust me! You didn't even care! And you said you loved me? - i stopped for a second waiting for some response, but nothing happened - Why are you here with that puppy fucking face asking me to tell you that I love you? You said you couldn't stand being alone? Are you fucking retarded? Well, boo-hoo! I've been alone for the last freaking months and I'm not doing all these lame figures like you are! You're so selfish! What do you want me to do? Feel pity; give you a warm hug and maybe some make-up sex? Is that why you're here? You didn't care if I was alone or not, so fuck it, I don't care about you either! Keep doing what you're doing. Go back to LA, go fuck some teenagers and be ridiculous, pretending you're 20 again. There's nothing here for you. - We I ended, we were both crying in silence.
- Why are you judging me? I was ready to settle with you, but you were the one who walked away! Try to see my fucking point: One day I'm completely happy with the woman I love, the other she's going away to work with someone she kind of just met who just wanted to take her to bed and as I can see, I have to give him a medal, because he actually did it. And now, how would you feel, falling asleep every night knowing that you are probably sucking some other guy's dick! - Intuitively my hand flew and hit his face. 
- I'm not some whore... - told him quietly. I bet this slap hurt me more than it hurt him - and this is not love. It’s a disease... it’s an obsession. - In the background we already could hear the countdown to 2014. 10...9...8...7...
- So this is how we're gonna celebrate the New Year... - 6...5...4...3...2...1 HAPPY NEW YEAR! Everyone around us was happy, kissing and celebrating. We didn't say a word but we didn't look away either. But hearing all the happiness around us made me want to cry so I turned back, ready to go. - Are you coming back to him? Does he make you happier than I did? You coming back? - He was shouting. 
- I hate you...
- Wait... Rita! - He was crying. Now I could hear it well. So I turned back. - I don't know what I'm doing... You know this is not who I am!
- Isn't it? - I was still angry, so I walked towards him again, ready to argument. - isn’t this who you really are, Shannon? This shit has happened before! You say shit you can't recall, and you think some tears and some apologizing will work? 
- I'm sorry! 
- It’s just words Shannon. It doesn’t mean anything coming from you! I don’t trust you, I don't know you...

- Don't stay that...
- ... I don't love you, I don't care for you. Now all I can feel is pity and hate. I didn't want that. You were the most important person in my life, who knew all I could feel for you was hate... But you're right, unfortunately you know me too much. I still didn't let you go. - It was the hardest thing I ever said to someone. 
- I don't know what I'm doing, Rita. Tell me what to do! Tell me what to do!! IM SICK OF THIS SHIT! - He kept crying and after the screaming, he took a deep breath and said, quietly and begging: - Just help me. What can I do for you to come back to me? Tell me what to do and I'll do anything! I can't stand being without you! I can't stand picturing you with that guy! Kissing him like you used to kiss me, making love to him like you used to make love...to me. - His voice failed in these last two words. - I don't know what to do so please help me! You have to forgive me! 
- How do you want me to trust you after knowing you were with somebody else... right after me? 
- I was crazy! I am crazy! But i tell you this: No matter how many girls I'm with, you can be sure every single time I'm inside them, all I can think is you! Calling my name, lying next to me, making me laugh... I don't want anyone else. Call it obsession, whatever you want; cause all I want to my life is you. I don't need anything else. I'm completely lost.
- Shannon....
- Do you want me to move here? I'll support you in whatever you want... Just tell me what I should do! - I walked further and hugged him. He hugged me back with such strength, I couldn't breathe.

- You should have never come here... - I whispered, crying.
- Rita, no... Please! Help me... - he was crying too.

- Do you want help? Go back home. Your brother loves you and needs you. Try to pretend I don't exist. We should let each other go... 
- I don't...
- You have to... Goodbye. 
- No please don't go... - he grabbed my hand.
- Let me go. - And he let. As I turned back, he sat on the sand crying, suffering. I don't know how I wasn't doing the same. I think I was in shock.

As I walked through a beach bar to go back to the hotel, this nice girl gave me a flyer. It said "Happy new year 2014! Mahalo for believing in Hawaii" Ironic, huh? So I reached home again and Alex opened me the door.

- I was worrying about you! 
- I'm sorry! I lost the notion of time. Happy New Year! - I hugged him and he kissed me. 
- Happy New Year, honey. You lost the countdown with us. I tried to call you. 
- I'm sorry, my phone died. Happy New Year, guys! 
- Happy New Year, Rita!
- Baby, were you crying? - He asked worried because my face was all red.
- Oh, it’s ok. I always get emotional on the countdown. It’s the... - I felt like crying again because I reminded of Shannon. 
- Baby, it’s ok. Shh, I’m here. Let's go to the kitchen for a sec. - We went to the kitchen where no one was and he gave me a glass of water. - Feeling better?
- Yeah, I'm sorry. It’s the baby, and the hormones... I'm homesick, it’s my favorite holiday, and my birthday is coming. I miss Los Angeles. I am sorry. - I started crying again.
- You have nothing to be sorry - he hugged me and held my face between his hands. – It’s normal. I miss home too. Meanwhile, we have each other. I'll always be here for you, okay? I love you. Happy New Year.

I didn't say a word. He just hugged me and everything started to feel a little bit better and messier at the same time.

- Happy New year. 

Capitulo 24 - Maybe tonight we could forget about it all, it could be just like heaven

Flashback
December 24th 2012

While our families were in the living room, me and Annie were preparing everything for the big Christmas Eve dinner.
- Fogo, este ano vai ser em grande! - She said.
- Right? Acho que vai ser maravilhoso. Para o ano vamos todos a portugal.
- Oh era giro! Falamos com eles. By the way, eles não estão um bocadinho atrasados?
- Devem estar a chegar. - And suddenly we hear the front door opening.
- OH OH OH!  MERRY CHRISTMAAAAAS! - They screamed as they entered and we went salute them.
-  Oh my god baby ahahahah! - Shannon was dressed like Santa.
- Merry Christmas baby! - He kissed me.
- Someone needs a shave... - I joked and he laughed.
- PAI NATAAAAAL!! - My niece saw Shannon and came running to hug him!
- OH OH OH! Oh here you are, my little baby girl... -  he grabbed her and kissed her cheek.

Meanwhile, I went to welcome the others.
- Hey, Jay!
- Hello, sister! Here's a present for you. - He gave me this little bag.
- Oh, there was no need to...
- Of course there was, silly. Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas, Jared. Thank you.
- Hey mom, come over here! - he called - She hasn't stopped talking about you, and now there she is... - She was talking to our parents and giving them some presents. She was always so nice to everyone... I absolutely love that woman.
- Hey, ma! -  he called again and we could hear her saying "Excuse me, I'll be right back".
- Oh my darling, look at you! I've missed you so much! - She finally came by and hugged me tight.
- Oh mom... I've missed you too. You have to tell me your secret... You always look younger, everytime I see you!
- Oh darling, time hasn't been my friend, latelly. Nor gravity!
-  Bullshit! You're beautiful! The most beautiful woman in this house tonight!
-Oh honey! - She blushed.
- I can confirm that. - Helped Jared, smiling.

- Let's just keep this between us. My mom gets a little jealous sometimes. - I joked.
- Its ok, darling. Your mother is great! So kind... Do you need any help in the kitchen?
- I think one more pair of hands will help, yes! Annie's there taking care of the turkey.
- I'll go there, then. Have fun.
- Thank you. - She blinked and went to the kitchen. There we could hear "Annie! Oh my darling, you look beautiful!"
- She's amazing. - I told Jared.
- Of course! Why do you think I'm like this, little sister? - he hugged me again.
- Hey Jay, come here for a second! - Annie called and there he went. I went to meet Shannon that was in my bedroom taking off the Santa costume.
- Aww I liked that! - I laughed and hugged him - I'm so happy. This is the best christmas ever.
- Yeah its our first holidays together. We shouldve done this earlier. - We were together for a couple of years but my priority has always been my family on Christmas, in portugal. We've spent one christmas eve together but never a big deal like this.
- We'll do it like this from here, then. - I kissed him softly. - We should go back.
- Yeah, let's go, baby.


At dinner, we were all sitting around this huge table, and honestly, it was beautiful to see all my favorite people talking and joking in such important night.

- Hey guys, I'd like to make a toast. - I got up and cleaned my throat.

- Seriously, you're already drunk? It's 9pm, babe. - Shann joked, and everyone laughed.

- Shut up, Jackass. Well, i'd like to say that I am extremely happy to share this beautiful night with all of you guys, in this beautiful city. I know some of you are far away from home just to be here with us, but I want you to pretend this is your home and enjoy this night all together. Who's with me? - I rise my glass up.
- YEAAAAHHH! - They all said, rising their glasses.
- Merry Christmas, peeps!

We waited until midnight to share our presents. The first ones went to my beautiful niece, Sofia, and after she was all distracted with her toys, we shared ours.
- This one is for Rita. - Connie said, giving me a little bag. - Hope you like it. - I opened it carefully. It was a little soft necklace with a pearl hung by a thin silver straw.
- Oh my god, this is beautiful.
- I bought it when I was in Paris 20 years ago. It was love at first sight and now its perfect for you.
- Connie, I don't know what to say. I love it. - I hugged her.
- I'm glad! - She smiled.
- Here, let me help you. - Shannon puts my hair to the side of my neck and puts the necklace on - Thank you, Mom. Now how will I get better than that? - he joked.
- Well, I bought you this. - She opened it. It was a beautiful golden purse from Carolina Herrera.
- Oh honey, its beautiful! Totally love it! Thank you, Sweetheart.
- This one is for you too. - Jay gave me a bag and inside it was an old camera. The ones that when you take a picture, the photo comes out right away and you have to wait until the image appears.
- Oh my god. You're kidding. I wanted this so baaaaad! Thank you! This is for you. - I gave him this Apple store bag. - You broke your last one two days ago, so I thought it would be helpful.
- Oh a brand new iphone! Thank yoooou!

- And this is for you... - He gave me this huge box, while the others continued sharing the rest of the presents.
- Oh my god, I'm scared. - I opened it and it was a beauuuutiful black dress and heels. - Oh my god, did you chose this? - It was the most beautiful dress I've ever seen.
- I saw it and instantanly I imagined you wearing this for me on new years eve. - He smiled. - Do you like it?
- I love iiiiit! I love it, thank you. I love you! - I kissed him softly. - And this is for you... - I gave him a medium sized box wrapped with a beautiful red lace. While he was opening, I explained: - I've been through hell and back to find it. If you don't like it, I'll kill you. - When he opened it and saw the Destroyer by Kiss album, he just stood mouth opened looking at me.
- Oh... my god.
- Just say something! YOU'RE KILLING ME! - I was soooo excited.
- This is the first album I ever had! I remember I even stole it from the store and I would stare at it for hours!
- I know ahah and I got Gene Simmons to sign it as well... sorry I couldn't get the others. I will, tho.
- Oh jezus christ.
- So you like it?
- No! I loved it! - He kissed me hard in my lips. - I love you!
- Okay ahah but don't stare at it too much, ok?
- Promise.

The rest of the night was spent having fun, drinking, joking, sharing more presents, singing... anyway: The best night ever. But everything good ends pretty fast right? A couple hours later, everyone was tired so they decided to go back to their houses and hotel rooms.
After I clean the kitchen, I found Shannon sleeping on the couch.
- Oh baby, wake up. - I said quietly.

- What? - He woke up, a little scared. He was probably dreaming.
- I am sorry, baby. Let's go to bed. You're more confortable there.
- Ok... - he got up, yawning and put his arm around me.
- Damn, I thought we were going to have some Christmas sex. - I joked, looking up to him as we were walking towards the bedroom.
- Oh... - he rose his eyebrows and it was kind of funny because his hair was all messed up. He looked crazy. But sexy crazy ahah. - Now that I'm thinking about that.. I'm not that tired after all.
- Ahah, don't be silly. Go to bed. I'll take a quick bath and I'll join you right away.
- Yeah a warm bath would be cool now.
- You sure you will not fall asleep on me?
- That never happened. No that I remember.
- There's always a first time. - We entered the bathroom and I put the water running with some bubble soap.
- You're such a def.
- Jerk. - I joked taking my sweat-shirt off.
- Come here. - I came closer and he kissed me for a long time. We had to stop so I could close the fosset.

We got rid of the rest of our clothes and he entered first in the bathtub. I joined him sitting between his legs. We were kissing, joking, playing with the water and the bubbles but washing ourselves at the same time. I was relaxing against his chest while he was softly washing my hair, massaging my head. I was just touching his legs with the tip of my fingers tickleling a bit.

 - It was fun today, wasn't it? - he whispered.
- It was amazing. - I just couldn't stop smiling.
- Are you happy, kitty cat?
- I'm super happy. So excited. I don't even know what to say. I wish it was christmas everyday.
- Let's make it christmas everyday, then.
- oh you have that power!
- I'll make it christmas everyday for you. - he whispered again in my ear. - Turn around, baby girl. - I turned around and wrapped my legs around his waist.
- "Do you wanna build a bubble maaan?" - I joked singing the Frozen disney movie song, as I grabbed the foam and spread it through his face along the beard. He closed his eyes and mouth.
- What are you doing? - He laughed as I kept singing.
- Building my bubble man. - His head was all covered in foam. - Don't wash it. Wait a second. -  I got out of the bathtub to grab the camera Jared gave me, that was in the living room, and SHIT IT WAS FREEZING! I went back to the bathroom after leaving bits of foam all over the house. - SHIT IM SO COLD!
- Are you serious? - he laughed.
- Come on, give me your biggest smile - He did it and I took the picture. I waited for the photo to come out and let it in the table.
- That sure is going to remain in our family album. - I finally went back to the bathtub at the same position I was before.
- My turn now. - he grabbed the camera and took a photo.
- Hey I was not ready!
- Those are the best!
- No, that's not fair! You had time to prepare yourself, mr. Foamman. - I grabbed the picture and dropped it to the floor. When it fell, we could already see the image.
- Oh that should totally remain in our family album! AHAH!
- Yeah, our grandkids will love to see my boobs!
- I will keep that in my wallet. - he joked.
- Jackass! - I threw water at him but then I remembered about the camera. - OMG!

- Heeeey, be careful! This was chosen with love!
- You had a hand on that, hadn't you?
- I will not confirm of deny any accusations!
- Stupid head! - I laughed
- I'm sorry, did you just call me a stupid head? - he asked, putting the camera on the floor.
- Yes, indeed.
- I'll show you the stupid head, little 'fugga. - He pushed me closer to him and kissed me.
- Oh yeah? - With his hands on my waist and my arms around his neck, he pushed me even closer and started kissing my neck.
- Hmm hmm... - Feeling his lips on my neck, I could not avoid bitting my lip. Finally I dragged my hand down, grabbed it and stroke him slowly. - Aw baby! - He moaned, bitting his lower lip close to my mouth.
- Merry Christmas baby... - I whispered as I felt him growing in my hand.
-  Merry fucking Christmas - he joined his hand on mine and threw his head back feeling the pleasure. I couldn't wait much longer so we joined ourselves and made love.
--------------------------------------------------------
December 24th 2013.

I woke up, feeling the sun in my face. Another fucking day in Hawaii.
- Merry fucking Christmas - I told myself while getting out of the bed. I went to the kitchen to prepare something for breakfast and heard the phone ringing. It was Alex.

 - GOOD MORNING, BABE!
- 'morning, Alex...
- Did I wake you?
- Hmm yes. - Lied.
- Oh I'm sorry, may I call you later, then?
- No, its ok. How are you?
- I'm great. Saxon is here with me.
- Aww, awesome!
- What about you? Have your family already arrived?
- Hmm, yes. They checked in last night. - Lied again.
- Excited?
- Not really. I hate Christmas.
- Really? I wish it was Christmas everyday...
- Yeah, I used to say that too.
- So, hmm...
- Oh, sorry sweety, my brother is calling me. I'll call you later ok?
- Yeah, sure!
- Bye bye. - Of course no one was calling me. I came back to the kitchen and ate everything I saw, and after hours of thinking, I decided to call Jared.

 - Rita!! My lord. How are you?
- Hi Jared. I am... fine. How are you? - I tried not to cry.
-  I am great, we were just preparing the stuff for tonight.
- Awesome. Sure its going to be fun.
- Are you in Portugal?
- No, I decided to stay.
- Oh so your family is going? Nice.
- No, they're in Portugal. I'm all by myself today.
- Oh sweetheart... - I started to feel pity in his voice.
- Oh its totally fine. How's Annie?
- She is great. Cooking with Connie and Tomo, as usual.
- And... how is... how is Shannon?
- My brother is actually drunk, he wasn't home last night and just arrived half an hour ago. Oh, speeking on the devil... Hey bro.
- I should probably go, Jared. - I didn't want to hear his voice.
- No, wait a second. Hey Shannon, are you ok? 
- Nope. Who are you talking to?
- Rita.
- Jared... - And I didn't want any troubles.
- Oh I bet she's going to have a great night with her fucking boyfriend. - he was laughing.

- Just fucking shut up, dude. She can probably hear you. - I could feel Jared pushing the phone against his chest so I couldn't hear but... not working.
- So what? Fuck it! She ain't nothing to me. She was, but not anymore. She lost me. I mean, you can't lose something you never had, right?

- Rita, I'll call you later, ok?  - Jared asked.
- Yeah its better...
- No, let me tell her something... - but before Jared could even deny, he grabbed the damn phone - Hey, Merry fucking christmas! - And he hung up.
- Wow. Couldn't get much better than that.

After that, Jared tried to call again, but I didn't answer. He left me some messages saying he was sorry but he never got the response.
The rest of the day was nothing special. Expecially midnight. Just as sad as that phone call. No family, no friends, no presents or christmas tree, no great mom food, no happiness. Just me, myself and I... and loneliness. Maybe even a bottle of some shitty wine, even tho I can't drink because of my four month baby, but what the hell... Merry fucking christmas!

Capitulo 23 - She dreams of love, he lives to run.

DECEMBER 23TH
Annie and Jared

- Hey Annie Banani! - he screamed as he entered the room. Annie was seating on the couch with the phone on his lap.
- Really?
- What? I thought you liked when I call you Annie Banani. - he sat beside her - Hi baby - and kissed her. - Is everything ok?
- Yeah, I just talked to Rita...
- Oh is she ok?
- Yeah she's... she's fine.
- So why are you feeling so blue?
- It just upsets me,  you know... this whole thing between Rita and Shannon, I mean... why does it has to happen? They were so in love, so drawn to each other. And just like that... puff. Its all over. Everyones broken.
- I know right. I mean... Shannon is really broken. I've never seen him like this and when he discovered that she was with Alex... Annie, breaks my heart seeing my brother like this.
- I just wish I could help.
- Yeah, me too.
- Jay, promise me we're never gonna be like them.
- Yeah I don't wanna be like them either. I know that I make a lot of mistakes, Annie... we will have to find a way out to solve the problems. But later... Now I have to solve another problem. I mean, you'll have to solve it. - Jared said, getting closer to Annie.

- I know I know. I'll make something for you to eat. -She got up and he followed her.
- Not what I meant... - Jared hugged her and forced her to hug him too trying to drag her hands to his ass. - I was talking about my huge boner... - she loved when he whispered those kind of things on her ear.
- Don't you wanna eat first? - he slides his hands from her belly to her breats and neck.
- You think? - His voice and breath were hot and slow.
- Who needs food, anyway? - she follows his lead and starts kissing him while his hands are searching every part of her body.
- Its almost christmas... I think I deserve a little present. - he whispered while squeezing her breasts with both hands.

- Yeah, I think so.
- On your knees. - He demanded but she ignored him and tried to kiss him again. - Anna, on...your...knees. Now. She slowly got on her knees and unlocked his belt. With one hand she was caressing his boner through the jeans and with the other, she pushed his jeans and boxers down. His member was huge and super excited right in front of her face so she grabbed it tight and started licking it and stroking with her hand.

- Oh yes, just like that baby. - His hand was touching her hair forcing her to go further. - Just like that... - he moaned. She kept doing her job until he told her to stop - Get up! - As she did, he got rid of his shoes and clothes and did the same with her dress.
- Jezus, Jared, you drive me crazy! - She tried to say while he was wildly kissing her.
- And I've only started... - Suddenly, he quickly grabbed her and put her on the table near by, standing between her legs. He started to kiss her neck, moving to her breasts, licking and bitting while his hand was inside her panties stroking her clit, deadly slowly. She was feeling the orgasm growing inside her and he knew itb so he stopped everything and just stood there touching himself. She was about to do the same when... - Stop. Don't. Just watch... - He kept stroking himself between her legs but without touching her.
- You're killing me, Jared. C'mon... - He knew it.
- That's exactly what I want... - he laughed a bit, watching her getting insane to have him.
- Please, baby...
- What? Tell me.

- Just do me already. - He kissed her once again and licked her body until he reached her clit. He licked her over and over again and she felt the orgasm growing again. - Oh my lord, Jay... - and as he helped, getting a finger inside her, she came hard squeezing his head between her thighs. - Oh jezus fucking christ, Jared!!! - He stopped and she finally rested.
- You just woke up the whole neighbourhood. - He laughed kissing her belly.

- This is what you do to me, you crazy son of a bitch. Come here. - He climbed to the table too and stood right there.
- I love you... - How sweet... he told her looking into her eyes.
- I love you. - she had those sky blue eyes looking to her freaking soul. - Not the right moment, tho... saying this while having sex: Not vailable. - they laughed.
- I'll tell you later again, baby. - saying that, he shoved his member right where she wanted.
- Oh jezus fucking christ. Oh my god, Jared. - She moaned as he started moving inside her.
- You're too religious today, Annie... Something wrong? - he joked.
- Oh shut up.. - they started to move a little bit faster together. Both sweaty, moaning, horny... until they both reached that point where they couldn't take it anymore and exploded. Well, she did it first, then she just started to move her hips slowly towards his pelvis and he was sexily insane. His pupils were so dilataded. It was like she was his drug. He had his mouth open while he moaned near to Annie's mouth.
- Right there, baby. Oh holy shit. - she started to move her hips faster - Yes baby, fuck me. Just like that. - She kept going until he couldn't take it anymore.
- You like it like this? - she felt him vibrating and a huge wild growl came from his mouth.
-  Oh lord... Annie, baby! - And he came. - Sweet mother of god! -  He rested his body on the top of hers.
- This was fun..
- You think? Ahahah - he asked, breathless.
- Yes!
- Hey can I get something to eat now? - they both laughed, tired.

Capitulo 22 - And the story goes on...

- Ok, Rita are you ready? - said John, the producer.
- I WAS BORN READY, SIR! - we were making my first scene. My character's name is Sarah. She works for the FBI, was on a mission in Hawaii and was kidnapped by a korean son of a bitch that wanted to free his brother from jail. That was the scene where Steve McGarrett and his parters found and saved her.

- TAKE 1, ACTION!
- Hey! ANYONE! - I tried to scream, but no one was there to hear me. I also tried to free myself from the ropes I had grabbing my hands, but it was also impossible. I could see the raptors inside of a room upstairs. They were arguing about something. Couldn't hear what.

A couple moments later I hear something coming from the door. The raptors didn't. I thought it would be more of them, but no. They were cops. 3 guys and I girl. The taller one looked at me and told me to calm down. All I did was look at him. What else am I supposed to do, being stuck to a chair? -.-
Bad news? The bad guys saw the cops and started shotting. Meanwhile, the same guy that told me to calm down, came to free my hands and feet and took the tape from my mouth.

- Calm down, we're 5-0. Are you ok? - He asked has I got up.
- No time for that. - I grabbed his second gun from his pants, and shot the last raptor alive, that was about to shoot the smaller guy.
- What are you doing? - He asked me again.
-  You're 5-0 hum. Sarah Washington. FBI. - I said, giving the gun back.
- Steve McGarrett. Can you explained what just happened? You're FBI?
- Thanks for saving my ass. Ready to have me on your team?
- Wait, its you? 
- Not the best way to find out, hum. Sorry.
- Nice to meet you. Thank you on than one. Danny Williams. - Said the smaller guy.
- That's Kono and Chin. - Steve said.
- Nice to meet you. - they said.
- Pleasure's all mine. - Later outsise: - Weird way to meet your new partner, hein. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were dealing with this case.
- But what happened in there, actually? Were you alone? That doesn't seem like FBI.
- I know. Long story. Thank god you guys showed up.

__________________


- This was fun today. - I told scott, while we were having coffe and waiting for Alex.
- Yeah, I can see you're enjoying it.
- Its all I ever wanted.
- Can I ask you something?
- Sure, mate.
- Do you miss him?
- I try not to...
- Im just saying because Alex really is a nice guy, you know. He had a lot going on...
- I know. Don't worry.
- Its really great to have you here, you know? Makes me kind of miss NY, tho.
- yeah, I miss it too.

- Hey guys, what are we talking about? - Alex arrived sitting beside me.
- Hum, nothing important. I was about to leave. Just didn't want to leave her here alone.
- Aw, it is so kind of you, Scotty. But I guess I'm a grown woman now. - I joked.
- And that's my line to go ahah milady. - he kissed my hand. - Mister. - he shook Alex 's hand. - See you tomorrow.
- Hahaha. See you tomorrow. - and he left.

- What about us?  - he asked.
- What about? - I answered not leaving my eyes from the coffee cup. - Your house or mine?
- Rita, look at me. - and I did - For a month that we're doing this... Is it all this is gonna be?
- What?
- Friends with benefits. Is that it? Just sex?
- What do you want, Alex? 
- May I take you on a real date, Milady?
- Alex, hum... - "Jared, it's time to move on. Time to do or die, isn't it? Well, I feel like having a drink. Do you guys wanna come?" - Sure. Sounds good. Let's go. Can you just drop me at the hotel so I can take a shower and change.
- Ok, let's go.


30 minutes later, we were already heading the restaurant.

- You look good, honey.
- ahah you don't look so bad yourself...
- Ill take that as a compliment, ok?
- It was a compliment.

Already in the restaurant: 

- hahaha! - He was laughing, looking at me.
- Why are you so happy? - I smiled.
- It makes me happy knowing that you've chosen such a beautiful dress to be with me tonight. You look absolutely beautiful in your dress tonight.

- You like it, hum?
- I like everything about you. - I liked that but I changed the subject anyway..
- Why did you choose a restaurant so fancy? - I asked, drinking a little of wine.
- This is a special night...
- Is it?
- Yeah! Our first date...
- yeah, you're right.
- The first of many.
-  wow, you're so confident.
-  I don't know it must be the wine.

After a couple of glasses of wine, it wasn't hard to wonder where we ended up next. His bedroom.
- Its a really nice dress but I have to take it off. I'm dying to take it of you. - he was saying while trying to take my dress off.

- I'm thinking the same about this sexy, sexy, sexy suit. You're so damn sexy right now. - I started taking all his clothes off after I was already naked. The next moments are pretty predictable, right?

- Alex? - I asked, before falling asleep.
- Yes?
- I really enjoyed our first real date tonight, you know?
- I did too. You're really something.
- Something good, I hope.
- Is this becoming something serious?
- I don't know. Do you want to?  - I faced him, stroking his cheek.
- Yes, I really want to.
- So let's do it...
- You serious?
- Yeah, let's just not tell anyone from the show ok? I don't want them to think that I got the job only because we're together...
-  Its ok, baby.
- Thank you. - I smiled and kissed him. He hugged me tight. - This is going to be good. New country, new life.

___________

5 days later

I knew something was different. I didn't feel the same. I took a day off and I called Annie in the morning.
- Olá Annie...
- Olá Ritinha! Como é que tu estás?
- Not sure... por isso é que preciso de falar contigo.
- Conta.
- Hum... Eu e o Alex temos estado juntos desde há um mês, como já sabes, não é?
- Sim?
- Pode ter havido algumas vezes que nao usámos protecçao...
- Mas tomas a pilula...
- Sim, mas... com os nervos do Shannon, depois a série... nao me lembro se a tomei como deve ser.
- Rita...? Mais alguma coisa que me queiras dizer sobre a tua vida sexual? - I was so nervous that tears started falling and there was nothing I could do.
- Annie, eu estou tão assustada!
- Mas acalma-te. Estás com medo de estar grávida, é isso?
- Já fiz o teste....
- Já viste o resultado?
- Estou grávida...
- Não acreditooooooo!
- Desculpa!
- Porque é que me estás a pedir desculpa?
- Porque fui uma irresponsável! Cheguei ao Hawaii e engravidei? Como é que não tive cuidado?
- Oh amor, calma! O que é que vais fazer agora?
- Decidir se vou ter este filho ou não...
- Claro que vais ter este filho! Nem penses em abortar! Se tiveste cabeça para o fazer, consciente dos teus atos ou não, terás cabeça para sofrer as consequências...Terão os dois!
- Tens razão...
- Nao me leves a mal,  Rita. O filho é do Alex? Pergunto isto porque não acabaste com o Shannon há muito tempo.
- Ai, tenho que ir falar com o Alex... - suddenly, I hear the door opening. - Ele vem aí... ligo-te depois, ok?
- Sim. Mantem a calma. Até logo.

- Hey baby, how are you feeling? - he asked kissing me on the cheek and sitting next to me.
- Not so well. I need to talk to you, Alex... - I was still nervous. Omg, what have I done to my life? I always thought id have kids after having my life organized, and honestly, I never thought it would be with Alex. 
- Ok, do you want me to call the doctor?
- No, its ok. - I grabbed his hand. - First of all, I hope you won't stay mad at me... I'm so sorry, Alex...
- Are you breaking up with me? - he was getting nervous.
- I know this is happening to fast, I should've been more carefull, I'm sorry. - I was crying again.
- But what have I done? Why are you breaking up with me?
- I'm not breaking up with you, Alex... - I kept crying.
- Hey dont cry, baby. Come here... -  he hugged me tight. - Dont cry...
- I'm pregnant...
- You're what? - He backed off.
- I'm pregnant... I'm so sorry, Alex. I know this hasn't been plan. We don't have to do this. I can still...
- No you won't. I won't let you. We're going to do this, baby... - He hugged me again - We're having a baby! - I could hear him smile through his voice.
- Aren't you mad at me?
- How could I? It takes two to do it, and I loved every single time we did it. I wasn't that carefull either! So please stop crying baby. Aren't you happy?
- Yes... but I'm so scared. This happened so fast. We've been together for a month and we're already having a baby? Its not a toy. I'm so scared. - I was happy but I couldn't stop crying.
- Shh, I'm right here... I'm right here. I'll be beside you no matter what. We'll enjoy this crazy adventure together... I love you. There's nothing to be scared of.
- I love you too.

What the hell? Why do I have to screw everything up all the time. With all the drama going on in my life, I had to get pregnant... I'm such an irresponsable looser. Have you ever got the need to go back and time and never be born? Well, I had.