quarta-feira, 9 de abril de 2014

Capitulo 25 - Into the wild



December 31st. 2012

I woke up hearing Shannon coughing and cleaning his nose in the bathroom, so I got up and went to meet him.
-  Good morning, sweetie. Are you ok? - He washing his face with cold water.
- I don't think I am, baby. - I grabbed a towel and wiped the water from his face. 
- Jesus, you're burning up... let's go to bed, I'll take care of you.
- It's nothing. I just need to take a shower and I'll be fine. We have to go to my mom's house...
- It's 5am, baby. We have time. Let's just get you better first. 
- Is it? 
- Yes, it’s super early. Come on. - We came back to bed.
- It's better if I sleep on the couch. I don't want you to get sick too.
- Oh shut up, Shannon. Just lay down. I'll make you some tea and toasts so you can take the flu drug - I kissed his hot forehead and covered him with the blankets so he could be confortable.

It was hard to make him eat. He was acting like a child, but after a while, he had already taken the drug and we were about to sleep again for a couple more hours.

- Feeling better? - I asked, hugging him.
- A little. Seriously babe, it’s better if you back off. You're going to be sick too.
- I don't care. Just try to sleep. 
- Thank you... - His hand was softly touching my hair.
- What for?
- Taking care of me. 
- Oh no problem, dude. I always wanted to be a pediatrician. - I joked and he tried to laugh but he chokes and started to cough again. - Oh god, I'm sorryyyy! - He just smiled and closed his eyes. We fell asleep right away.





We woke up a couple hours later. He was feeling a little better.

- Do you want me to make you some more tea?
- Oh please, no. I'm sick of Tea.
- It'll make you feel better.
- I'm ok now. I just need some coffee.
- Yeah right.
- Yeah right!
- I'll choose something warm for you to wear... - and I went to his closed and started picking.
- I think I'm old enough to pick my own clothing, Rita!
- Hey grumpy, just trying to help you feeling better. - We were shouting to each other because I was in the closet and he was taking a shower. 
- I am no child, Rita! - I went to meet him.
- Why are you so angry about? - He put the curtains away and didn't answer. Just stood looking at me... - So?  
- I'm not fucking angry. - I looked back at him, questioning myself what was happening. 
- Whatever... Just fucking hurry up. - And I closed the door. He took a deep breath.
- Hey come on! Baby come back here. - But I didn't. I was starving so I grabbed a box of cookies and sat on the couch watching TV.
-Just fucking hurry up, dude! You're not a freaking princess! - A couple of minutes later he got out with only a towel around his waist.
- Are you with your period or something?
- Are you fucking kidding me? - I shouted looking at him. 
- Come on, do you need to talk like that?
- Excuse me? 
- Do you need to talk like that?
- Is this a joke? 
- Rita... what...
- Shannon, go dress yourself. You're going to be sicker and we're going to be late. - He went back to his closed.
- Hey, do you know where my new socks are?
- Do you need my help now? You're not a freaking child, remember? Try to figure that out alone. 
- Jesus Christ... 
- Second drawer on the left... - I gave up seconds later.
- Thank you! GOD
-... not welcome. - whispered.
- I heard that... - he said, kissing my cheek.
- Jesus! - He scared me. - Well, good for you!

10 minutes later, we were ready to go. 

We didn't say a word throughout the small trip to Connie's house. He tried to sing some songs that were playing in the radio, but exaggeratingly bad, trying to make me laugh.
 
- Don't make me laugh, stupid.
- Who's grumpy now? 
- What's up with you today?
- Didn't sleep well.
- Me neither... that's not an excuse to be rude. 
- I know, I over-reacted. I'm sorry. 
- Me too, Sorry. 
- Are we good now?


- You still pissed me off. 
- Oh come on. - He pulled over when we arrived. 
- Let's just go. - We got in and Connie and Jared had to go out to buy something she forgot. - I can go there, its ok... - I volunteered.
- No, honey. It’s ok. Make yourself at home. - And there they were. It was just the four of us so I had to be there alone with him. Well, fuck it. I'll make him pay. He was sitting on the middle couch which had tons of space for both of us, but I sat on the small one.
- Not going to join me here? - He asked.

- No, I'm ok here, thank you. - I was wearing this small dress, so I crossed my legs, provoking him.
- You look good... 
- Thank you. - Not taking my eyes off the TV, I crossed my legs again the other way. 
- You are doing it on purpose, aren't ya, you sexy motherfucker? 
- Don't know what you're talking about and don't call me a motherfucker. - This time i took my jacket off and uncrossed my legs, leaving them slightly open.
- Sure ya don't wanna join me here? 
- Nope.
- Please...
- Nope...
- Come on, look at me... - and I did - Please?
- Nope. - And I looked back to the TV.
- Come on, I wanna talk to you about this morning. 
- I can hear you from here...
- Come on, it’s serious! Sit here on my lap. I need to tell you something. It’s very serious, come here. 
- How can I know you're not joking? - Finally looked at him.
- Do I look like I'm joking? - He was pretty serious.
- No.
- So come here... - I gave up and got up. - Sit here. - I spread my legs and sat on his lap, facing him. He pushed me closer.
- Oh come on, Shannon. Are you for real? We're in your mother’s house and I'm mad at you. - Turns out he just wanted me to feel his boner.
- It’s gonna be quick. Let's make the love. - He was joking. 
- You're freaking hallucinating. Your mom must be arriving! AND IM MAD AT YOU! 
- They're not arriving. They just left! - I was about to get up but he put his hand inside my panties because he knows that drives me crazy.
- God, I hate you so much. - I closed my eyes feeling it. He was kissing my breasts and touching them without taking my dress off. Then, he unzipped his jeans and pushed my panties to the side and did it.~


- Of course you do... - I started riding him a little faster. - Gosh, I love make up sex!  
- Just shut the fuck up.
- Ahahah you still mad! Please feel welcome to be angry with my dick anytime. 
- Shannon!! - After that he shut up and we kept going until the end. Right after we came, we hear the keys in the door. I sat beside him quickly, putting myself together, and he zipped the jeans again. We were looking at the TV trying to seem as normal as possible. 
- Hey! - Connie said, coming in.
- Hey we're back! - Jared said after her. Walking towards the kitchen.
- Hi guys! - We said at the same time. 
- Are you guys ok?  You two look pretty weird.
- What? We're totally fine. - Shannon said.
- Yeah. - I agreed. - Do you guys need help?
- Its ok, sweetheart. Don't worry!  - Connie shouted from the kitchen.

At lunch time everything went pretty well. We were discussing what we were going to do later. It was fun until I receive this text message from Shannon. My iPhone was beside me, so I opened the text while drinking my orange juice. Well, worst mistake ever, since I spread it all over the table, coughing. 


- Rita, are you ok? - The Leto's mother was trying to help me knocking at my back.
- Yes I'm ok, mom.  Thank you. - I put myself together and looked at Shannon, who was laughing at me saying sorry.
- What's so funny? - Jared asked.
- Your brother is a jerk. - "I loooooved the way you fucked me there. Gotta argue more often babe" was not the kind of messages you should send while you're having lunch with your family. 
- I kind of knew that already ahahah.
- So what are you guys doing tonight? - Asked the Leto mother.
- Nothing special. Going to be with some friends. - Jared answered.
- I think we're going to dinner and... I don't know what's happening next... right? - I said, looking at Shannon.
- Yeah, who knows...
- Oh come on! It’s New Year’s Eve! You should go to some party or something... - She said.
- Mom, we are too old for parties... 
- Jared, I'm almost 60 and I would totally go to a party...
- So why don't you?
- Who says I'm not? We're never too old for party’s ahah
- We'll see what we should do later. I hope you enjoy your night anyway - I told her, peacefully.
- I will. Hope you do too, honey. Don't let these old guys stop you.
- Ahahah...no. - Joked Shannon.

7p.m at home.

 I was taking a nap and Shannon woke me up. He was all fancy dressed, didn't know why.
- What's up? Why are you dressed like that? You look hot. - I was still half asleep but he surely looked damn good. 
- Ahah get up, babe. Dress something fancy too.
- Where are we going? 
- Its surprise... let's go, let's go... 
- Oh come on... Tell meeee!
- Rita, do you trust me?
- Let me think...hmm... No. - I joked.
- Oh shut up, don't spoil this thing. Come on, let's go! - He got up and gave me his hand to help me get up. But instead I pushed him and he fell on the bed.
- I won't let you go unless you tell meeeee! - I wrapped him in my arms, not letting go.
- Oh son of a... Are you serious? - I wrapped him closer me. - Ok, you're serious... Rita, let's do it like this: You stay here and I pick something for you to wear, ok?
-  Nope! - I didn't let go.
- Ok, you asked for it... - So he started tickling me, which is the worst thing.


- OH MY GOD, NO! STOOOOP! - I finally had to let go and he ran to the closet and started to choose. - Remember that wherever we go, I can't go naked.
- I would like that, though...
- Pff, yeah I know you would. - Moments later he put some dress on the edge of the bed and pick my black shiny heels.
- What do you think? - I got up and joined him.
- Oh of course you would choose the dress you gave me. Love it, though. - Kissed him on the cheek 
- Hurry up, pleeeease!
- But why?
- Rita, please... - he begged.
- Ok, but wait outside then... - I smiled.
- Why?
- Let's do this, I'll dress up, then I'll open the door and you'll be like 'you look beautiful, baby, we need to have some hardcore sex' - I try to copy his low voice - and then I'll cross my arms and be like Dean saying "Don't objectify me" and you'll be like "Oooh I need to take that off of you" and... 


- Are you done? - He laughed.
- Ok, sorry. - He closed the door before him and I started getting ready.
The dress was beautiful so it sure will look good on me. After doing the hair and make up, I was ready. So I opened the door and he was waiting for me. When he looked at me, he just stood there, with his eyes and smile shining. 
- So? - I asked
- You look beautiful, baby... - he was walking towards me - We reeeeally need to have some hardcore sex. - He laughed and I crossed my arms.
- Don't objec... - But he stopped me. 
- Oh shut up! - So he grabbed me and kissed me. - You are so stunning.


- The dress is great!
- I knew you would look hot on that.
- Thank you, Mr. Penguin. - I joked, making fun of his beautiful suit. He looked so hot I just wanted to take his tie off and, you know...
- Ok, so now, we'll go somewhere, but it’s a surprise so I'll have to put in on you... - and he covered my eyes.
- But where are we going? I was hoping we could spend the night alone.
- Just shut up, would ya? Jesus! -  He grabbed my hand and we waked outside. He gave me one of his bike helmets so we were going to ride his bike. He helped me sit and he sat in front of me. As usual I placed my hands on his waist, but this time I placed my hand a little lower and kept squeezing it as drove us somewhere. He kept slapping my hand telling me to stop but it didn't and I kept teasing him. 

Minutes later, he stopped the bike and we got in some house, or restaurant, or whatever... I couldn’t tell but it smelled like candles and there was some music on, really low. Without taking the thing covering my eyes, we got out again...

- Where are we? 
- Wait, let me take this out of you. - Finally I could see again, but...
- We're home? -  Turns out, we were outside by the pool. But there were roses everywhere and a dinner table next to the pool. -  Why were we riding the bike if we were already here?
- Suspense ahahah you wanted a night just for us, here we are...
- Did you do all this? - I asked while we were walking to the table.
- Obviously I had some help with the cooking... Do you like it?
- Of course, let's go...

We sat and we ate and we drank. Everything was super amazing... Sky - his dog - kept barking and trying to steal our food and play. It was fun too.

- I still don't get why we dressed like this... - I said, grabbing my glass of wine. 
- New year is your favorite celebration so why shouldn't we dress up like this? 
- Yeah, that's true. - He grinned, looking at me - What's so funny? 
- Do you even know how good you look? You're so beautiful it’s ridiculous. 
- Don't say stuff like that, you motherfucker. - I laughed - I never know what to say... 
- I love when you talk dirty... - He joked. I got up and grabbed his hand for him to get up. - What?
- Let's dance... - I heard the first chords from "All of me" by John Legend. We went inside because was getting cold and we could hear the song better from there. He grabbed me by the waist, pulling me closer and I placed my arms around his neck and we started dancing to the song. - This song is so beautiful... 
- "Cause all of me loves all of you, loves your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections, cause I give you aaaaall of me, and you give me aaaall of youu..." - He kept whispering while we slow danced. 


- You know what time is it?
- Half past eleven, I guess... It’s almost time.
- Yeah... - I grabbed his tie and pushed him towards the bedroom as he bit his lip, knowing what was going to happen. 
- Sure you don't wanna go outside and watch fireworks? - He asked when we fell on the bed, standing on top of me. 
- There's no better way to begin the New Year but here with you... - Saying this, I kissed his lips caressing his face while he undid the tie. I started to unbutton his shirt and his hands were already in my legs pulling the dress up. It had the zipper on the back so I got up and sat turning my back to him, so he could unzip it. Slowly, he started to drag the zipper down and showing my shoulders where he was leaving warm open mouth kisses. Facilitating his job, I took the dress off standing only with my thighs and panties. After I face him, I grabbed his tie, pulling him closer and kissed his mouth. I also took his shirt off but not his tie. He was completely ready to have me and I could see it in his pants. He was touching it times to times because he was feeling uncomfortable with that being stuck so I unzipped his pants and released it. I was about to stroke him but he didn't let me. He just forced me to lie on the bed and close my eyes.

- What are you doing? - I opened my eyes.
- I told you to shut your eyes didn't I? - So he puts this thing covering my eyes again and got up. Suddenly, I felt his hands on my waist and I shiver feeling his touch. The music stopped and we could only hear his strong breath. After he took my thighs and panties off, he opened my legs and massages the inside of them teasing me. Finally, he dragged his hand to my core and touched it, leaving me breathless by how fast he was stroking it. 
- Oh my god, stop baby. Stop stop stop oh gooood! - I was already done but he didn't want to stop.
- I'm in charge now... - and hearing him whispering this in my year just made me cum. I took my time while he laughed roughly at me - I just love that.

- No, you're not. - Quickly and without resting, I turned ourselves around and stood on top. 
- You think you're so strong huh... - I was stroking my body against his, teasing him even more.


- I am... - and to prove I was strong, he grabbed me and turned us around again, standing on top and keeping my hands over my head. 
- I said I'm in charge now... and you're being a very bad girl! - He was teasing me so much. I wanted to go further so I kissed him and wrapped my legs around his waist pushing his hips against mine. -  ... A very... very... bad... girl... - he kept whispering between kisses. 
- It's almost midnight... - I said, looking at the alarm clock beside the bed. 
- Yeah, I think we should go watch the fireworks. It’s such a beautiful night outside. Don't you think?
- Baby?
- What? 
- Fuck...me...now! - He laughed at me again noticing how desperate I was and without saying a word, he shoved himself inside me and stood quiet for a second letting my body get used to it while we released some moans. Slowly, we started moving ourselves and the moans were getting louder. I especially loved to be on top but there was something special about this position. He kept his hands on the mattress, keeping himself on top and not crushing me while he was thrusting. Now, a little faster, and it turned me on even more seeing that. His sex face feeling the pleasure and his muscles struggling within his skin, and the sweat coming out of his body and his breath and his voice saying "oh god, baby. That's right" while my hips were moving against his too... I looked at my left to the mirror of his closet and his body looked great... his thighs and his butt... god damn! 
- Baby, I'm almost there - I could feel it, and I was too. We increased the velocity and suddenly we hear our neighbors screaming "10...9...8...7..." and our movements were getting faster and stronger and I came again. Feeling all my body and insides twitching and shivering made him cum too, which was the sexiest thing ever. After all these years I never got tired of seeing him like this: tired, sweaty, pleasured, satisfied, hot, breathless, groaning. Holy shit, for some reason he is called Shannimal. I bet it isn't only because of his drumming. Anyway, we ended right before midnight but he was still inside me. "...6...5...4"... we were looking at each other’s eyes and we didn't need to say a word because it says everything..." 3...2...1... HAPPY NEW YEAAAAR!" I kissed him slowly, enjoying the moment, celebrating. 
- Happy new year, Shann...
- Happy New Year, baby girl. - He kissed me once again and lied down next to me. I rest my head on his chest and kissed it. - Hey, do you feel like walking?

30 minutes later, we took Sky with us and went the HOLLYWOOD sign, in the middle of nowhere. I was resting next to 'W' and he hugged me from behind and kissed my neck.

- This is so beautiful... I've always wanted to come here. - I hugged his arms keeping him closer.
- I love you. - He whispered resting his chin on my left shoulder.
- I love you. - I looked at him and kissed his lips. 
- I promise i'll make all of your dreams come true this year, ok?  
- Okay. - Kissed him again - Life doesn't get much better that this, does it?

---------------------- 

December 31st 2013

I woke up this morning and everyone was freaking about New Year’s Eve. I wasn't, but I put a smile of my face and faced the day. After dinner and having fun with everyone around me I decided to go and take a walk.

- I'll be right back, don't worry.
- But it’s almost midnight... - Alex said trying to keep me there.
- I’ll be back soon and before midnight don't worry. You know how I am. I need some time to myself. 
- Why are you so hippie sometimes? - He joked.
- Oh shut up! - I kissed him quickly on the lips and walked out the door to the beach.
I sat on the sand for half an hour or maybe more and was ready to spend the last hours of 2013 alone.

- Hey... - Am I dreaming? 
- Sh...? What...  what are you doing here? - What the heck was he doing there? 
- Can I sit here? - He asked, sitting next to me. 
- What are you doing here?
- Its new year’s eve...
- I know... but what are you doing here with me?
- I couldn’t stand being alone.
- You weren't alone. - "You have your family...” I thought.
- I didn’t have you... - he looked at me and I looked away.
- If that's the reason you came, then you should get going. 
- Is this it? 
- What do you mean?
- Us. This ends here?
- Shannon it ended a couple of months ago, you have to let me go.
- I don't wanna let you go, Rita.
- You have to...
- Did you let me go? 
- I'm with Alex now... 
- I said 'Did you let me go?'
- I... - Jesus Christ!
- Say it! - He was getting angry.
- I did! - I finally said it, looking at him. 
- You're lying... 
- I'm not. 
- I can see you are.
-  Shannon, what do you want from me? Why did you come here? For me to tell you things you wanna hear, or to tell you the truth? - I got up, yelling.
- I want you to tell me the truth which I know you're not! 
- Do you want the truth? I'll give you the truth. And the god damn truth is that I came here following a dream, which is something you've always told me to do, and I was freaking lost on the first day, but I knew no matter where we were, we were always together, we always had each other, right? - I felt my heart beating really fast and tears growing in my eyes. - Turns out that weren’t true because your attitude changed from day to night. Just like that. You wanted to move on, all that shit about being time to do or die... A week later you were having sex with some teenagers! 
- You had this. You were having fun...
- I was alone, Shannon! And damn, I still am! You didn't trust me! You didn't even care! And you said you loved me? - i stopped for a second waiting for some response, but nothing happened - Why are you here with that puppy fucking face asking me to tell you that I love you? You said you couldn't stand being alone? Are you fucking retarded? Well, boo-hoo! I've been alone for the last freaking months and I'm not doing all these lame figures like you are! You're so selfish! What do you want me to do? Feel pity; give you a warm hug and maybe some make-up sex? Is that why you're here? You didn't care if I was alone or not, so fuck it, I don't care about you either! Keep doing what you're doing. Go back to LA, go fuck some teenagers and be ridiculous, pretending you're 20 again. There's nothing here for you. - We I ended, we were both crying in silence.
- Why are you judging me? I was ready to settle with you, but you were the one who walked away! Try to see my fucking point: One day I'm completely happy with the woman I love, the other she's going away to work with someone she kind of just met who just wanted to take her to bed and as I can see, I have to give him a medal, because he actually did it. And now, how would you feel, falling asleep every night knowing that you are probably sucking some other guy's dick! - Intuitively my hand flew and hit his face. 
- I'm not some whore... - told him quietly. I bet this slap hurt me more than it hurt him - and this is not love. It’s a disease... it’s an obsession. - In the background we already could hear the countdown to 2014. 10...9...8...7...
- So this is how we're gonna celebrate the New Year... - 6...5...4...3...2...1 HAPPY NEW YEAR! Everyone around us was happy, kissing and celebrating. We didn't say a word but we didn't look away either. But hearing all the happiness around us made me want to cry so I turned back, ready to go. - Are you coming back to him? Does he make you happier than I did? You coming back? - He was shouting. 
- I hate you...
- Wait... Rita! - He was crying. Now I could hear it well. So I turned back. - I don't know what I'm doing... You know this is not who I am!
- Isn't it? - I was still angry, so I walked towards him again, ready to argument. - isn’t this who you really are, Shannon? This shit has happened before! You say shit you can't recall, and you think some tears and some apologizing will work? 
- I'm sorry! 
- It’s just words Shannon. It doesn’t mean anything coming from you! I don’t trust you, I don't know you...


- Don't stay that...
- ... I don't love you, I don't care for you. Now all I can feel is pity and hate. I didn't want that. You were the most important person in my life, who knew all I could feel for you was hate... But you're right, unfortunately you know me too much. I still didn't let you go. - It was the hardest thing I ever said to someone. 
- I don't know what I'm doing, Rita. Tell me what to do! Tell me what to do!! IM SICK OF THIS SHIT! - He kept crying and after the screaming, he took a deep breath and said, quietly and begging: - Just help me. What can I do for you to come back to me? Tell me what to do and I'll do anything! I can't stand being without you! I can't stand picturing you with that guy! Kissing him like you used to kiss me, making love to him like you used to make love...to me. - His voice failed in these last two words. - I don't know what to do so please help me! You have to forgive me! 
- How do you want me to trust you after knowing you were with somebody else... right after me? 
- I was crazy! I am crazy! But i tell you this: No matter how many girls I'm with, you can be sure every single time I'm inside them, all I can think is you! Calling my name, lying next to me, making me laugh... I don't want anyone else. Call it obsession, whatever you want; cause all I want to my life is you. I don't need anything else. I'm completely lost.
- Shannon....
- Do you want me to move here? I'll support you in whatever you want... Just tell me what I should do! - I walked further and hugged him. He hugged me back with such strength, I couldn't breathe.


- You should have never come here... - I whispered, crying.
- Rita, no... Please! Help me... - he was crying too.


- Do you want help? Go back home. Your brother loves you and needs you. Try to pretend I don't exist. We should let each other go... 
- I don't...
- You have to... Goodbye. 
- No please don't go... - he grabbed my hand.
- Let me go. - And he let. As I turned back, he sat on the sand crying, suffering. I don't know how I wasn't doing the same. I think I was in shock.

As I walked through a beach bar to go back to the hotel, this nice girl gave me a flyer. It said "Happy new year 2014! Mahalo for believing in Hawaii" Ironic, huh? So I reached home again and Alex opened me the door.

- I was worrying about you! 
- I'm sorry! I lost the notion of time. Happy New Year! - I hugged him and he kissed me. 
- Happy New Year, honey. You lost the countdown with us. I tried to call you. 
- I'm sorry, my phone died. Happy New Year, guys! 
- Happy New Year, Rita!
- Baby, were you crying? - He asked worried because my face was all red.
- Oh, it’s ok. I always get emotional on the countdown. It’s the... - I felt like crying again because I reminded of Shannon. 
- Baby, it’s ok. Shh, I’m here. Let's go to the kitchen for a sec. - We went to the kitchen where no one was and he gave me a glass of water. - Feeling better?
- Yeah, I'm sorry. It’s the baby, and the hormones... I'm homesick, it’s my favorite holiday, and my birthday is coming. I miss Los Angeles. I am sorry. - I started crying again.
- You have nothing to be sorry - he hugged me and held my face between his hands. – It’s normal. I miss home too. Meanwhile, we have each other. I'll always be here for you, okay? I love you. Happy New Year.

I didn't say a word. He just hugged me and everything started to feel a little bit better and messier at the same time.


- Happy New year. 

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